Need For Speed on speed!

You know when you visit someone who is in the middle of an X-Box racing game, and you’re forced to watch until they complete whatever round they’re on? Well, watching Getaway was exactly like that, except perhaps a smidge-and-a-half better. It had good acting, good car chases, some kick-ass crashes and crashes and screeching and crashes. Did I mention the screeching? It was mind numbingly droll by the end of the first act and towards the close of the movie I could have witnessed a real-life 30-car pile-up and not batted an eye, I was so desensitized! The beginning felt like the end and the end felt like nothing.

Getaway
Directed by
Courtney Solomon
Cast
Ethan Hawke, Selena Gomez, Jon Voight
Release Date
30 August 2013
Ed’s Grade: C-

I’m not saying I disliked the film but I can’t say I gave a sh*t about any of the characters, especially the kidnapped wife. I find it strange that director Courtney Solomon (who is also the producer of many successful, low to mid-range films), could get the racing and crashing pretty good, but failed miserably at getting the drama and characters right. I appreciate that he put this film together for a mere $18 million and for that he should be commended, but my goodness did he drop the ball with this ludicrously unconvincing story. It was totally “mission implausible,” and I tsk tsked from almost the beginning, right to the last frame. Why in holy hell would someone set something up so off-the-wall stupid in the first place?

Without spoiling the film (that’s a laugh), an American burned-out ex-racer is living in Bulgaria. His wife is kidnapped by what appears to be the local mob. A car is stolen from yet another American who happens to own a nice American souped-up car that suits the needs of all concerned (BS!). He is sent on a mission to basically run circles round every single police car in the fair city of Sofia (more BS), and isn’t allowed to get caught. He is ordered to crash into things and ram other vehicles and yet never thought that the car might quit on him? (even more BS!). He doesn’t stall or refuel (truck loads of BS!), and the cops are supposedly unable to stop him. Enough said.


As for the cast, I like Ethan Hawke and I enjoy watching the lovely Selena Gomez but I can’t help feel nothing but fatherly affection for the cute starlette, even when she was practically naked in Spring Breakers. It’s actually a bit off-putting sometimes because she looks so young and innocent, but maybe that’s just me. I can’t always research a movie before seeing it and was amazed to learn that Jon Voight was in the film. He played “The Voice” and Miss Gomez played “The Kid.” Getaway is watchable but I can’t see anyone but young boys liking this movie as it will play to their needs. But for adults? Nah…

by Ed Blackadder