Amish Possession Shenanigans…

Firstly, I’d like to say that, while this movie was most definitely not great, director R.P. Patnaik looked to have been at least keen, and perhaps even passionate about this film. However, I did read somewhere, while talking about Amy, where he’s quoted as saying, “This is my ticket to Hollywood.” I beg to differ Mr Patnaik. This isn’t a strong opener for Hollywood acceptance. R.P. Patnaik is a Bollywood guy, and I didn’t know any of this until after I watched the film. I knew there was something afoot, when no one cussed, and there was not a breast in sight. I have no problem whatsoever with that, but “Hollywood” just might. I can’t remember the last horror-film I watched, where there was only a kiss and one gentle, extremely brief, breast-fondling scene. I watch and review around ten to fifteen movies, mostly horrors, weekly. So, I kinda knew this was a smidge different. Well, a smidge-and-a-half (We’re The Millers anyone?).

Amy
Directed by
R.P. Patnaik
Cast
Christopher Atkins, David Blount, David R. Clayton
Release Date
1 October 2013
Grade: D

Then we have the music. It was way too loud and intrusive, with zero subtlety anywhere. And I can’t imagine why the director would opt to use the “Beam me up Scotty” sound from Star Trek, at the beginning of Amy. I thought I was hearing things at first, but, nope, I heard it again. It was, I think, to tell us that this Amish field on display, had something untoward happening within its boundaries. Also, whenever we saw a nice old Amish man smile, or anything happy, you could almost hear the director shout, “Cue the choir music!” It was extremely funny. Or when we saw a beautifully lit bible, again, the choir music chimed loudly in. Seriously? We heard loads of “Fah la la la la’s” at the wrong time, as the auditory system couldn’t make any sense of what was being seen on screen, and what we’re used to hearing, when witnessing this type of schlock.


The dialogue was also out by a country mile. I understand that the Amish do the, “ye olde” English speak, but I refuse to believe that most talk like robots. The acting by almost everyone, (except good old Amy (Jessica DiGiovanni), and her fondler, Robert, played stiffly by Kurt Mason Peterson), were really not Oscar-worthy performances. There were a few rough moments by these two, but you could tell they had acting down. Even the alleged “star” of Amy, Christopher Atkins (he of Blue Lagoon fame), dialed it in. He was pretty much, “not good,” but I have no idea why. I know he’s a good actor, but he really didn’t do his thing here. Atkins was playing a character named, rather imaginatively, Chris. The local funeral director. How we get introduced to Chris, is when Amy is upset, and is outside somewhere (I can’t remember where). Chris starts to talk in an obvious American accent. Amy says “oh, you’re English.” Slaps hand on forehead. It only gets worse, I’m afraid.

Apart from the questionable ‘Adobe After Effects,’ effects, it started to get unintentionally funnier, when Chris was doing his (Don Corleon, voiced) exorcism gig (which appeared to be his part-time job) where he moaned and hissed at Amy, who then said to him, “I don’t believe in this nonsense!” Neither do I Amy, neither do I. I could write another 500 words about what was wrong with this film, and what was funny, like Amy looking like a long-haired Frodo Baggins, while she was in her chair possessed (this was after she lost her yellow marble, that she swore she wouldn’t lose). This film has allegedly been made for an estimated $2 million. I have to question the veracity of that estimation. If I were pushed into guessing, I’d have to go with an “estimated” $250 thousand, max (but, this is a very rough guess. Ask my attorney). If you want answers about quality, have a look at the trailer to the right of the review. It shows you what I’m talking about. The EP’s must love the trailer, all religious looking, knowing that certain folks will be tempted by it.

I can only liken Amy to Birdemic, in that, it wasn’t a good film, but it just might gain cult-status one day. It was better than Birdemic, not by much, but it is worth watching for the fun-factor. As long as you know what you’re letting yourself in for (like, having a local restaurant being thanked almost first on the end credits), then you should have a good time. Enjoy!

Review by Ed Blackadder, Lead Entertainment Writer

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