A boat-load of nonsense

Beneath is a strange beast indeed, as it mixes not-very-good with not-even-close-to-being-good. I’ve had a few crap films surprise me on occasion but I can safely report, this isn’t one of them. With vacuous script in hand, Larry Fessenden (Jug Face) took a boat load of trouble, and did the best he could, and if not for some admirable bits of cinematography and tension-building, I wouldn’t, nay, couldn’t have lasted the pace.

One mistake after another, our group of troublesome youths get deeper and deeper into hot water, as they first decide to throw away the oars (I swear), followed up by throwing away the rowers themselves (classic cinema). The decision-making and logic of our boat crew, reflect the actions of the writing crew, as it stumbles about making little sense at its actions.

Larry Fessenden
Daniel Zovatto, Bonnie Dennison, Chris Conroy
Release Date
17 July, 2013
Ed’s Grade: D+

What may have ultimately saved this movie (if such a thing was possible), was to have it as a comedy horror, thereby nullifying the many errors we had to suffer. Throw away the oars, but let’s try using the lid from the cooler instead?! Or the bite marks not coming close to matching the actual size of our killer rubber fish?

What’s the premise, Ed? I hear you cry. A group of young adults decide to take a break by going on the lake for some fun and frolicking, only to have their day ruined by a large, wide-mouthed, large toothed fish. (Don’t you just hate when that happens?). It kills one, then goes about attacking the boat.

Our group of hapless, non-thinkers try all manner of ways to get out of their predicament (every way but the right one), but only succeed in making matters worse. They anger the fish by sticking a pointed piece of broken oar into its back; they even have a go at shooting fireworks at it; with my personal favourite when the try shouting at the carnivorous bit of rubber. One of the dueling brothers yells, “unbelievable!” as he gets more frustrated. Indeed it is.

I had an unbelieving 89 minutes and 51 seconds watching them blunder in every way imaginable. They even manage to do the unthinkable when rescue arrives, but I don’t want to spoil this masterpiece any more than I have.

Apart from a rather fishy script, the acting was good, the direction was not bad, and as previously mentioned, there were some nice bits of cinematography. But this was, for me, the Titanic sinking all over again. An absolute disaster. Some may enjoy it, in particular anyone who likes a bit of angling but not movies. However, for sensible horror lovers, give this one a wide–excuse the pun–berth.

Review by Ed Blackadder