More nonsense than you can shake a nonsensical stick at, but still fun…

The BS detector was going crazy throughout the entire movie, as Mikael Håfström’s Escape Plan, piled on one unbelievable thing after another. Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger do their buddy routine in this prison escape escapade, that sees prison escape expert Ray Breslin (Sly) bust easily out of a prison he’s been sent in to break out of, in order to test security. He does it with toilet paper and a milk carton. (Yeah, right!).

After showing the warden the faults in his system, Ray gets released from prison. The next day a woman from the CIA turns up and asks Ray to test a new super-secret facility, but he and his co-workers aren’t allowed to know where it is. Even though this is not the normal way they would do things, he goes anyway, but things are not what they seem. The warden apparently doesn’t know him and he’s now up sh*t creek without a paddle. Literally!

Escape Plan
Directed by
Mikael Håfström
Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jim Caviezel, Vincent D’Onofrio, Sam Neil
Release Date
18 October 2013
Ed’s Grade: B-

Arnie and Sly together in a movie usually guarantees loads of 80’s style incredulity, which there is absolutely no shortage of in Escape Plan. The risks they take; the actions of the guards; the fights; the — well, everything really is simply way out there. But, that’s exactly what I expected, and is exactly what I got. Good, clean, non-offensive fun. Stallone was in a bit of a slump not so long ago but he’s most definitely back in action. The days of, Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot, or the critically acclaimed (not) Judge Dredd, are well and truly behind him. His The Expendables franchise is breathing new life into dem old bones, and the shape he was in for Bullet to the Head, belied the double Oscar-nominated actors 67 years.

Then there’s Schwarzenegger, who was also mugging around a little for Mr Stallone’s aforementioned franchise, and was also on the rebound. Arnie’s career took a rest while he concentrated on other matters, and after his real comeback movie, The Last Stand, reintroduced him to starring in a film with big guns and explosions, he seems to be well and truly back in the proverbial saddle. He has another Conan coming out, AND he’s got the new Terminator flick to do in 2015. Botox, anyone?

The support came from some very fine actors (plus Vinnie Jones and 50 Cent), with the likes of Jim Caviezel, Sam Neill and Vincent D’Onofrio, having fun making cheese, and with $50 million on Escape Plan, I’ll bet the wages weren’t too shabby either. If you want “serious,” you won’t like this action movie, or, you could go see the brilliant Prisoners, but, if you’re in the mood for some popcorn madness, you’re in store for a good time.

by Ed Blackadder