A bad film even by bad film standards.

Note: This review was for the 153 minute version (yup, there was one that long!) but the new one has been recut to around 90 minutes. Which means you’ll only fill half a sick-bag.

I remember seeing this last year (2012) and thinking that I had witnessed some sort of parody of the amazing The Blues Brothers but no… this is in fact a serious attempt at filmmaking. I have to say, it’s an atrocious over-indulgence on writer/director Richard Driscoll’s part and how in the hell he managed to raise $15 million for this production is nothing short of miraculous (and preposterous). It turns out Driscoll actually got the money through some sort of government grant in the UK, then it was reported he had swindled the money meant for the film, and ended up doing time. That explains a lot!

You know when you see someone on TV making a fool of themselves and you feel embarrassed for them? Well, most of the acting in this piece of garbage has that effect on you, especially when miming songs, like Brigitte Nielsen miming to ‘Respect’ for example. I felt pretty annoyed at Richard Driscoll for using the very elderly Peter O’Toole who, in his twilight years was doing as many films as he could. What the Lawrence of Arabia thespian was doing in this mess, I have no idea. I read that Richard Driscoll is an animal lover and I know that Daryl Hannah also does the ‘animal rights’ thing so I can understand how she got involved, but the others…well that’s another matter but it looks like Richard Driscoll had a strange idea in his head about how he wanted the story to go, but filled in the blanks as the actors came on board.

For example, he signs on David Carradine to this nonsensical project and have a guess who he gets his character to act as? Kwai Chang Caine (Grasshopper?) from ‘Kung Fu’ no less, with his flute, silly proverbs and all. Mr Driscoll wrote and directed this debacle but instead of inspiring the actors, he basically used them to inspire the movie. Steve Guttenberg playing the ‘Jews Brothers’ agent is a sight to behold. I’m certain that he hated himself in the morning after doing it but at least he gave it his all. The silly CG fly buzzing about his head was crazy and just another one of the great little touches that assured this films place in the history books.

The bottom line is, the acting is somewhere between very bad and very, very, very bad, it’s horribly miscast, the writing is non-existent, the direction is beyond a joke (I’m deadly serious BTW), the set design – make up – music – editing – dubbing – and of course production values are pathetic. Oh yes, 3D? Really? This is the biggest joke of all. Tacking on 3D to a film that doesn’t make it as a 2D film has no right trying it in 3D. I guess the $15 million had to be spent on something tangible because I couldn’t spot anything of value. Even bad movie aficionados would do well to stay clear, although, most of you will take that as an invitation to actually see it. You have been warned!

Review by Ed Blackadder