“Miller’s direction left a lot to be desired”
by Nav Qateel
Yup, just what we needed… another zombie film! I’ve struggled through a few stinkers in my time that have been released by mockbuster experts The Asylum, yet only one was ever so utterly bad I hated it. That film was the contrived The Bell Witch Haunting, and was directed by none other than Glenn Miller. No, not the musical one! I mean the Glenn Miller who also directed this fiasco. I remember last year after watching Bell Witch and discovering Miller was uncredited as the director, and thinking “I don’t blame you, buddy… I wouldn’t own up to it either!” The name didn’t click when I skimmed the credits for the long-winded The Coed and the Zombie Stoner, and had I realised it was he who had helmed this shenanigans, I don’t think I would have bothered, but alas, poor Yorick, I did effing watch.
The Coed and the Zombie Stoner tells the story of Chrissy (Catherine Annette), a hot lab geek who needs to date a guy or be thrown out of her sorority house. Chrissy inadvertently creates a potent cannabis drink which is discovered to keep zombies calm. It turns out her professor has a zombie hidden away from everyone, but soon Chrissy and said zombie become an item. It doesn’t take long before a zombie infection starts to spread throughout the campus, and Chrissy’s cannabis mixture is needed to help stop them.
The script was written by first-timer Scotty Mullen, and his lack of experience showed, big time. His basic idea appeared to be sound enough, but it lacked in so many ways I’m surprised it was greenlit without being rewritten several times. Perhaps everyone got excited at the thought of making a poor mans’ version of Warm Bodies?! It felt like a rough draft rather than a finished script. The entire film relied on shitty gags with screaming naked girls running around and occasionally bouncing their bewbs up and down. I’m sure the overused bewb-bouncing was down to Miller, but it stopped being amusing after the first time.
There were a grand total of two things I found funny, and the first was actually on-screen text. “28 Days Earlier” which was a nice little nod to 28 Days Later (obviously), and I also liked the nod to Wallace & Gromit. At least I hope that’s what it was! You can actually see it on the attached trailer. It’s when Rigo (Grant O’Connell) wiggles his hands the same way Nick Park has his characters do it when they’re excited.
Miller’s direction left a lot to be desired, with a majority of the cast clearly inexperienced, and together they gave predictably uneven results. I did like the production and for what little they had to spend, the DP appeared to use the budget wisely. The only way I can see anyone liking The Coed and the Zombie Stoner is if they’re between the age of 13-15–which would make them too young to see it–or if they sparked-up a bowl and passed it around. It was simply too infantile for my tastes.