“Thoroughly weak film”

by Steve Pulaski

I’ve reviewed quite a few supernatural horror films this year, everything fromThe Forest, to The Darkness, to Lights Out, and now The Disappointments Room. In efforts to break up the monotony of my words and their delivery, I’ll conduct my review of The Disappointments Room in twelve simple, effective haiku poems.

Old house with secrets
Is the setting for the film
Here we go again

Kate Beckinsale
Plays an unstable mother
With mental illness

She loses her kid
And tries to raise another
In the countryside

Her husband means well
But once her son finds a cat
All the bets are off

The attic’s a room
For deformed children to stay
And wait until death

Beckinsale rules
She plays a great, nasty drunk
And carries the film

Scares feel the same
Tension exists in loud booms
Atmosphere is weak

The Disappointments Room
Directed by
D.J. Caruso
Kate Beckinsale, Mike Bizon, Charles Carroll
Release Date
9 September 2016
Steve’s Grade: D

Backstory is nice
Makes film feel less empty
Some scenes terrify

But it makes no sense
Why this family suffers
For a strange mistake

Is the house haunted?
Is she paying for her sins?
Nothing is explained

Talked with guy after
We were the only ones there
Our talk was more fun

Thoroughly weak film
Relativity needs help
Disappointing’s right