Simply put, Toxin is a shambles.

I’m surprised I made it through to the end of this train wreck when every fibre of my being was crying out to turn it off and allow my senses to return to something approaching normal. It wasn’t the woeful special effects (and the word “special” didn’t really apply to any effects I witnessed), or the poorly-written characters I found myself hating; it was that damned heavy metal music that blasted out every single time there was action on-screen. It was terrible! I enjoy heavy rock but not the inane monotonous garbage that was assaulting my eardrums every few minutes.

This film is too easy a target for ridicule and it would be akin to picking on a disabled person, but I feel I need to point out some of the teensie issues I have with Toxin. But first the premise.

Directed by
Tom Raycove
Douglas Chapman, Kyra Zagorsky, Philip Granger
Release Date
14 April 2014
Ed’s Grade: D-

The big bad military have created a WMD that looks exactly like packets of cocaine (not that would know what it really looks like. Nope.), and when it comes into contact with the enemy it causes them to run about like idiots, biting uninfected people for no apparent reason. Strangely, the zombie-like victims appear to be able to use automatic rifles when the writers haven’t remembered to only have them grunting and biting. And sometimes they can be killed easily with bare hands and other times it takes several hundred rounds, in a fantastic display of continuity! To test the newly developed “toxin” the military used a small abandoned island. But one soldier, Lt. John Paxton (played by Clint Eastwood lookalike, Douglas Chapman) escapes and decides to return to get evidence to prove he and his men were used as guinea pigs.

John ends up hijacking a plane with a small group of adventure-seekers on board, and after some more shenanigans by the writers, the plane crashes into the sea, hitting a rock with no fatalities whatsoever. On the island, the packets of worth-a-fortune toxin are found just lying all over the ground and some of the group become infected and begin attacking the others. In an attempt to cover up the mishap on the island, John’s CO and his soldiers go to the island to retrieve the toxin and destroy all the evidence, but John is determined to stop him.

The acting by stuntman-actor Douglas Chapman (who has an impressive list of film credits, which include, 300, Inception and X-Men 2, to name just three) wasn’t too bad considering what he had to work with, and Kyra Zagorsky, who some may know from the TV show, Helix, also performed well. The rest were certainly passable but I put the lack of enthusiasm down to the director, and perhaps knowing the film they were making wasn’t what you would call…inspiring/any good/decent/watchable (delete as required). The makeup was actually very, very poor and totally unconvincing. And why the blood-spatter consisted of red gloop being thrown at glass in front of the camera lens was a mystery. Was that our 3D effect?! Also, director Tom Raycove makes video games and Toxin is his first narrative flick.

I could go on for ages listing the faults but suffice to say, Toxin is toxic. If the film had some deliberate comedy and remotely decent writing then the rest would have been seen as fun B-movie nonsense that can be quite appealing. However, this fart-noise of a film failed to deliver on all counts. The ending was another mystery and looked like everyone had given up caring, or perhaps they simply ran out of money, but whatever the reason, it killed the movie stone dead. This is one you’ll need a few beers down your neck to enjoy. Quite a few, actually.

by Ed Blackadder