I Truly Believe God Wants Me To Fu** You!

I think I laughed through most of this one folks. I enjoyed it, sure. But why in holy hell do they have to resort to silliness on certain things? Jason Stackhouse (Ryan Kwanten) and Andy Bellefleur (Chris Bauer) provide enough comic relief without adding anything as dumb as Vampiric Cavemen! Ok, they aren’t quite Caveman (perhaps we should call them Cave People), but the flashbacks are by far the furthest back I’ve ever seen. We are shown life in 3500 BC, where everyone lives in nice tidy animal skinned huts, and they all wear animal skins too. That isn’t quite what I have the problem with, although it wasn’t even close to convincing looking, It was the fake ooga booga language they attempted as it was fooling no one. The noise was somewhat reminiscent of a goose farting in the fog. The entire 5000 year flashback thing they had going looked, and sounded unconvincing, and I laughed each time they happened. Bad wigs, all the outfits looked pristine, as if borrowed from Fred Flintstone. The way they spoke was the kicker, and the scene could have been handled better, but this is True Blood, where we like unexpected levity.

Episode 4 ended with Jessica (Deborah Anne Woll) in a room with four dead Faeries, lying bloodsoaked on the ground. She is sobbing as she tells Bill she couldn’t help herself, on account of the smell of their blood. This episode not only has a word in the title I’m not allowed to type, but it also shows Bill Compton (Stephen Moyer), turn up at Sookie’s (Anna Paquin) to order an now revealed Warlow, to follow him, as he is his maker. A stunned Sookie can’t believe what is happening. Andy Bellefleur turns up at Bill’s place looking for his girls, and finds them heaped on the ground exsanguinated. He blames Bill but Jessica makes her escape before Andy even knows she’s there. As Andy is about to lose it, he notices one of his daughters are still alive, but only just.

Because Willa (Amelia Rose Blaire) has been turned by Eric (Alexander Skarsgård), Sarah wants Governor Burrell (Arliss Howard) to incarcerate her in the special camp they have set up. He continually tells her no but she is very determined. In frustration, she goes over to Jason’s house and tells him they are doing God’s work and says she truly believes God wants her to fu** him. She’s as mental as ever.

Alcide has a run in with his dad, while they search for Sam (Sam Trammell) in a bar. He ends up throwing money at him and walking away. Jess goes to Jason but she doesn’t know that Sarah and he have been having sex all night. Sarah is listening to them talk in the other room, and after they have a confrontation, Jessica is arrested and taken to the Vampire special camp, where she meets up with Tara. Both of them have a small run in with the top dog, who tells them both they now owe her.

Pam ends up doing some sort of weird therapy with a doctor who wants to know how they tick, and as Pam is very hungry, she is offered human blood directly from a human donor, that she can freely drink from if she answers the questions truthfully. Eric is also in the prison but he’s there by choice, as he’s looking for Pam to rescue her. Sookie has been told by Warlow that her parents were trying to kill her and that is why he killed them, in order to protect a young Sookie. She goes to Lafayette in the hope he can perform a seance, so she can ask her parents what really happened. but things don’t go as planned.

The ending was good, as we have a death match set up in the Vamp camp, but who is doing the fighting, and why? Even with some truly crazy scenes, like Terry asking his old war buddy to kill him, I did enjoy the show as usual. I suppose it would have to get really bad before it’s close to season 4, so I’ll keep my fingers crossed it doesn’t. Not the best, but not the worst.

Grade: B-

Review by E. Blackadder, special to Influx Magazine