In True True Blood Fashion, The Finale is Weird

We left Bon Temps last episode with Sookie promising to wed Warlow, but a truckload of Tru Blood had gotten away. Terry’s funeral is finally over (thank goodness, it was a stinker anyway) and Alcide is talking to Sookie, but quickly run into our group of miscreant, daylight lovin vampires, high on sunlight and acting utterly ridiculous. At one point there were a couple of barely dressed bloodsuckers doing what I think was the Charleston, then they were burning clothes and having sex, left right and centre. It was HOW they were doing it all I have a problem with. Anyhoo, it looked dumb.

Sookie finally gets a chance to talk to Jason, who introduces a threatening Violet to her, and after they settle down, asks him if he’s alright. She also talks to Pam (who’s unusually happy to see her) and Tara, who are all in a good mood. Except Sookie of course because she now has to try to deal with the fact that she’s made a promise to the vampire faerie Warlow. She wanders about learning she’s not so sure it’s the right time. When she goes back to Warlow, and explains this to him he isn’t very happy. Sookie tells him she wants to date him first (I know) and looks to only want a fu** buddy. Warlow has had enough and slaps her nicely across the face, showing his true colors at last.

While this little drama is going on, our vampire friends are still acting stupid, and decide to play volleyball, but things get a little rough as Violet is fiercely jealous of Jessica, who is actually with her new boyfriend (the Emile Hirsch lookalike dude) but still shows fondness for Jason. Pam and Tara have words, then Pam dons her Supergirl cape and flies off. Bill is now a shadow of his former self, thanks to losing all his powers, but he knows Sookie is in big trouble. After a pep-talk from Jess, he talks to an angry Jason but they all pull together. Andy and Adilyn are persuaded to come as the faerie is the only one there who can gain entrance to the shiny sparkly place that Warlow is holding Sookie. After a screaming lesson, Adilyn gets her light going, zapping the group beside Sookie. They rescue her but have to leave Bill to fight Warlow alone.

Eric is doing a spot of nude snow-bathing (as most vampires do, don’t they?), near the south pole or somewhere like that, when his power suddenly leaves him. He’s in the middle of nowhere, bare assed naked, and burning up quite nicely. Jump 6 months and Bill is now a famous writer after scribing a book about how the Hep V epidemic started, while on TV he explains how he ripped the governor’s head off and it looks like no one cares now. Sookie and Alcide are back at it again, and Jason is having to perform great feats with his tongue. Tara and her Mother finally talk and Sam gets a promotion.

I would love to know why they bothered with all the ‘V’ junkies we had at the beginning of the series, when now anyone can drink ‘V’ and it does nothing to them, other than give a tiny lift. Jason Stackhouse needed his penis drained when he drank a vial full of the stuff. Now anyone can drink a gallon of it with not a helluva lot happening to them, but there’s way more than just that. Inconsistencies or what?

Grade: B

Review by E. Blackadder, special to Influx Magazine